Updated: Sep 3, 2020
Mother of One
Partner Adam - Died suddenly from complications from the flu at 42 years old.
“I will not go down with this ship” and “f*ck you life"were (and sometimes still are) the two thoughts on repeat in my head. Hah. The first year of my widowhood was marked by many many tears, absolute fatigue, gratitude for the community that rallied around me, anger, guilt and a generous dose of defiance. All these parts of my well-packed grief suitcase were a lot to carry for sure, but one of the things that surprised me the most was the anger.
I wanted to punch some of the people at the funeral who were pitying my lot, I threw sympathy cards across the room at the banquet filled with dying flowers and other well intentioned sympathy cards. I was angry at people who suggested my then 5 year old daughter didn’t get it - that she was too young to understand her loss. I was angry at dads picking their kids up from school, I was angry at myself for letting a man die on my watch (the "what if" scenarios played like a broken record in my mind). I was angry. I was angry, then sad, then angry, then sad. A lot.
One of my amazing resources was Dr. Jay Children's Grief Centre.